‘What do we say to the God of Death?’ Nothing – just offer him some cheese!
A big dzięki to our friends in Poland: namely Professor Maciej Banach of the University of Łódź. Banach and his plucky team of researchers have just completed a thrilling meta-analysis of 29 cohort studies that confirm what we’ve always chosen to believe: cheese can help you not die.
Thus spoke the scientists: ‘cheese and yogurt were found to protect against both total mortality — death from any cause — and mortality from cerebrovascular causes.’
Verily, it is the shield that can protect us against the slings and arrows of modern life, including stroke and heart attack, according to the European Society of Cardiology, which presented the research.
So frolic in the traffic, run with scissors, play with matches: defy death and all his minions by simply slathering yourself with melted cheese. (Don’t drink too much milk though, as that was found to have the opposite effect. Mystifying, innit.)